Thursday, February 24, 2011

Feel like strangling you..but that would mean my own death......

Gypsy f@$king Bastard......Can't you see I have lost words.....lost those throaty carefree laughters...lost how to write .....Idiot, it is time you wrote to me, time you touched me...time to tell me your address for the day, week, month......


Ha! Ha! Ha!
So this Gypsy who was once scolded for using the word " yaar" also swears!! Hahaha! Love this change! What were you told when you used " yaar" in your plus2? Don't use the language of " Bazaru Aurat". Doesn't the term mean kind of whore? Hahaha!
And what is this kind of language called? Hahaha! I am actually laughing. It is amusing to hear you speak like this. You know, I could have maintained my silence but I love you when you are in this form. I would not appreciate if you mope and brood but if you hurl even curses towards me, I would love it. By Jove I would.
I believe anger is a step better than is definitely not the best thing but certainly better than self-pity. 

I know what all you must have attempted lately, my perpetually confused Gypsy. And I know what all you must have thought-
1. Dig yourself a hole
2. Turn into a rat or even a worm
3. Hide in forever

If you call this a luxury, well you don't have it, you don't afford it.
If you call this a punishment, a penance, you have not committed enough crimes, grotesque crimes or both.
And therefore you don't deserve the hole. So when you don't hide in but swear and curse me- I know your are still good for me, your spirit is still alive. Your desires are still alive. You still want to rebel and flinch when someone or you yourself confines you, traps you.

My trapped in the norms and conventions Gypsy, do you know the first step to gypsy-hood? No....not wanderings. They come much later.
Should I ask you something? Where do you stand now ( okay if you are sitting or lying down then do please stand up.)? Why that worried look? I am not asking about your status, position, situation in life, your attitude towards everything, jobs, sabbaticals...nothing of those? But the basic. The simplest. Where are you standing now?

The Earth.

And how does it look like? ( At least on the surface.)
A circle. Solid. Endless. Absorbed. Still.......
You can go on.....but forget about the tremors, continuous movements in its core etc. The time for that is later.

For now keep thinking of the circle, the solid, the endless, the absorbed, the still.......
Don't confine your thoughts....let them move in any direction...let them choose.

And I will catch you soon....hold you soon....encircle you in my arms soon...whether you are the sweet girl I met or the swearing bitch. But are you ready to think? Think and believe that I am basically a soul and so are you. And we just have bodies.

We will make the best use of both. The soul and the body. And words will come....because they too seek beautiful souls and bodies. They have been there from the beginning and will be there till the end....but to thrive they need us....beautiful souls.
We will talk. And yes, I don't have an address. I never had. I reach to you only when I want to and only when you desire me to. This norm is still a constant. There are very few constants in my nomadic life and this is one.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hola again!!!


Nomad, it's almost a life.....since we talked. Why that all important issues are thrown under the rug of this and that and the insignificant? I always felt we can love above the Mother Earth and we can fly.....but we stopped talking. And you dislike being asked " whys" but Nomad, I need to know....( noticed I didn't say I want). Yes, it's a need to know why conversation stopped. But you will want me to keep on walking and grow and mature and know one day oneself. Let this learning be also an intimate and private matter in an intimate and private moment. Don't rush Gypsy - you will say. Nomads and Gypsy don't rush....we walk slow for we have to have time to pay homage to our spirits, to our ancestors whose spirits live with us, we have to count the lines on the face of the moon, we have to smell the flowers and not just the flowers but also the smell of the green grass on which we lie hugging each other....gazing at the darkness, reading those invisible signs of yesterday, today and tomorrow. And then move on together or on our separate roads....because each crossroad gives us the choice to walk together or pick up different roads. I know you will say all this but Nomad I become restless at times....unlike you I have not broken my trappings 100%. 

I am using Mary's words....or something on those lines for I too believe that to walk with another human being on life's journey is a courageous endeavor. Many go on for they had been conditioned to go on or for comfort zone. But the decision to walk is a brave one; for the road is often paved with unforeseen obstacles. Yet we walk drawing from each and drawn by love, passion and joy. It feeds us, leads us. The path may be undefined or unclear and who will know this better but us the Gypsy and Nomads because we choose undefined, unwritten paths. Still, we tread on, mindful of where that other person is, should they need or want us to walk next to them.   And many times we realise that it is time to bid adieu and head down to road not taken. Nomad, you have been with me often for long times and sometimes just for a heartbeat...I thank you....but we are not go away for long else where will I see my face, where will the words come from. 
I have brought myself from Africa and as souvenirs some love and pain too....I need your words now to express them. Write to me....touch my soul.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Scattered Letters Between a Nomad & a Gypsy

No dates necessary.

Nomad n Gypsy souls are not caught in time frames....they move from one life to another.
And hence there will be more and more in this Title Scattered Letters...depending on my Gypsy soul n Nomadic mood.


Hi Nomad! I am back from my visit to parents and in-laws during the festive days. So how was your Christmas? Well my responsibility trip, as I put it, was really nice n well the sinful me did succumb to gluttony. I hogged a lot n came back with surplus kilos n inches. Now the only saviour is a treadmill but then I always give in to temptations of a lazy life. So God save me!!!

Hah! I forgot to do something- well a good hug n loads of wishes for a year that gives you the joy of friends, family n success and peace of doing what the heart believes in. ( And perhaps the strength to cope with the mundane which exists perpetually like the moss in a forgotten drain.)

Now I had missed your words and I do hope u won't make me wait for long.


Namaste Gypsy...Merry ho ho ho and a bottle of rum to ya...damn, I hate Christmas or at least the gluttony it fosters...There's nothing spiritual about it anymore...It's just all about consumerism now...Anyways, enough of my nativity - Oh, I mean negativity...Well, I'm back in Dallas and this time, I'm here all by my lonesome, babysitting the electronic monster we installed earlier in the year...alone for the holidays - it will either be relaxing or mind numbingly boring...As of late, I've been in a really bland mood...I don't really like where I am and the 'nothing' that's going on in my life but I'm not hungry to be anywhere else or do anything I said - bland...being the manic depressive freak that I am, I don't know if this is the mental state of balance that 'normal' people are used to, however, I do much prefer the extreme highs and lows of being's so much more inspirational...


It is September 1st and I have been back from one travel , continued my sabbatical and selective hibernation and I am preparing for another trip during which I will be a year older and start a new year, a new chapter. But that chapter too may or may not be titled Normalcy as they say.

As with all things in my life - nothing is for sure but everything is it will be with my new year...a chance to fulfill old resolutions and aspire to reach places not yet reached...will this be the year that I find the love of my life, whether that be in a place, person, thing or activity???


As you know, my view is not confined to the traditional narrow confines of: fall in love and live happily ever after...because, romance and love can move mountains but it is also a major pain in the neck and usually is just a bad excuse for not doing greater things ( Hey, I'm not a romantic - atleast not in the boy meets girl and they live in a perpetual state of nirvana filled with candle lit dinners followed by great sex - that's for the naive or people willing to be naive )...I have a few ideas buzzing around in my brain but not one that I have committed to...what are your hopes for this year??? Any new resolutions/promises to yourself???


When I arrived at Delhi and then Guwahati city from my trip in the Himalayas, I felt an overwhelming contempt for crowds...I must immediately visit somewhere less crowded with a much less hurried pace this year...a place with more palms and trees and less people, more calm than cacophony and where less is definitely more.....I am hoping this with this new trip. Not just on the outside but within too.

But Nomad, one of the timeless truths of life can be stated very simply: our thoughts form our world. What we focus on in our life grows, what we think about expands and what we dwell on determines our destiny.

Life really is a self-fulfilling prophecy- it gives us just about what we expect from it. So, what do we really expect from life?

Someone ( Gayatri ) told me :
There's always a little truth behind every "Just kidding"

A little knowledge behind every "I don't know"

A little emotion behind every "I don't care"

A little love behind every "I hate you"

A little not okay behind every "I am okay"

A little pain behind every "Forget it"

A little fear behind every "Leave me alone"

A little hope behind every "Goodbye"

There's always something behind every "Nothing"

There's always a lot of words behind every silence.

Every heart has a tale to tell behind every action, emotion and expression. We don't understand certain things because we often tell ourselves that silence, a foreign language, is being used. If only we would understand the speech behind every silence may be we would someday understand Life and hence Love also. Because love is a beautiful language, it breaks all barriers and we need to use it a little oftener than we sometimes do.

But love we share is like the one we have with the person in the mirror.....the other loves....we keep searching, changing, for we both have one constant...we want to be a nomad and a gypsy.


Yes, basically we both want to be that when we look at ourselves....don't stop looking at the mirror for you will then stop looking at me.

And now that you are going away for a while a little gift for your birthday:

There are many words to describe the many things that impress themselves upon our senses but no matter how beautiful the sunset is, if it doesn't touch our sixth sense - our inner mood - the colours are lost to darkness. There are times when feelings of exhiliration, danger and even grief can fill us so much that our senses become over-reactive and the emotions that churn within rise to volatility until they find release - spilling out into words. Pick up your pen and finish that's high time....give that as a gift to yourself and don't be me echoing words like....

Unfortunately, as of late, all I feel within is a void. Much like the tin man, I wish I had a heart but can't seem to find one. The world is a hue of grey and I'm just another cog in the machine.

However, all is not bad because there must be time for everything: a time to dream, a time to laugh, a time to cry and a time to be empty before refilling the sixth sense.

Bon Voyage....and whatever changes this travel/ work brings....keep a piece of yourself ...for yourself.